Family Estrangement: A Painful Experience
Explore what family estrangement is, why it happens, key statistics, insights from Dr. Joshua Coleman, and compassionate steps toward healing.
What Is Family Estrangement—and How Common Is It?
Family estrangement refers to the prolonged reduction or complete cessation of contact between previously close relatives. It often occurs between parents and adult children, siblings, or extended family members—and in many cases, one party feels unable to reconcile the emotional or behavioral pain involved.
It’s more common than many realize:
About 1 in 4 Americans are estranged from at least one family member.
Specifically, 26% report estrangement from a parent, while around 6% from mothers and 26% from fathers—with estrangement often beginning in the mid-20s.
Estrangement is particularly prevalent among LGBTQ+ individuals, with over 30% reporting estrangement at higher rates than the general population.
Why Do Families Become Estranged?
Estrangement may stem from:
Persistent value clashes or feelings of being unaccepted.
Patterns of emotional abuse, neglect, or boundary violations.
Political divisions, which have become a major factor recently—with surveys showing 20% of estrangements are rooted in political disagreements.
Despite its prevalence, estrangement carries emotional consequences for all involved—grief, shame, identity shifts, and social stigma are common experiences.
Insights from Dr. Joshua Coleman, Ph.D.
Dr. Joshua Coleman is a leading expert whose personal experience with estrangement informs his compassionate and practical approach. In his 2021 book Rules of Estrangement, he reframes separation as sometimes necessary for personal well‑being—and offers guidance toward respectful ways forward.
Coleman emphasizes that estrangement is often an act of self-preservation—and he encourages thoughtful reflection before pursuing reconciliation. He also engages with estranged parents through private consultations, helping them understand the complex emotional dynamics and possible paths forward.
Navigating Estrangement—and Healing Beyond It
While every journey is unique, many people find healing through:
Acknowledging Your Feelings
Emotional pain, grief, or even relief are valid responses—therapy can help you process them.Building Supportive Communities
“Chosen family”—trusted friends or support groups—can offer acceptance and belonging.Setting Healthy Boundaries
Clear limits, even emotional distance, may be essential to protect your mental health.Exploring Reconciliation on Your Terms
If desired, reconciliation might include mediated conversation, apologies, or collaborative agreement on boundaries—only when you're ready.Therapeutic Support
Therapy offers a safe space to explore identity, grief, guilt, relief, and future relationships.
How CARE Counseling, Inc. Can Support You
At CARE Counseling, Inc., we offer compassionate, trauma-informed therapy for those navigating estrangement—whether you're healing from the loss, processing guilt, or considering reconnection.
Our services include:
Emotional support through grief, shame, and identity shifts
Boundary-setting and self-advocacy coaching
Family-of-origin therapy for reconciliation, if desired
Support in building new communities and chosen families
You Are Not Alone—and You Deserve Peace
Estrangement can feel isolating and shame-filled—but it's also more common than most people know. Many people, including mental health professionals like Dr. Coleman, understand how complex—and often necessary—these journeys can be.
Schedule your consultation today
Serving Naperville, Plainfield, and telehealth across Illinois
You deserve compassion, understanding, and a path forward—on your own terms.
